The first big announcement doesn’t include a lineup….
Do the dates really even matter that much? We’re going to move heaven and earth to fit your festival into our schedule. I don’t care about the limited quantity of pre-sale tickets you have either, because my Macbook hates me and I can never figure out how to solve those captchas.
When festivals announce the dates and prices, it’s like an announcement about an announcement. There’s some psychology going on because even though we don’t care… subconsciously it makes you crave the lineup even more.
Then the lineup drops and it features your favorite dj.
Mothaf*cka yeaaaaaaah!!!! My favorite dj is playing my favorite festival and all of my best friends are coming with me. This winter cold weather shit is going to be over and it’s on!
It’s triumphant and glorious when you’re making predictions with your friends on who’s going to play at your favorite festival and then they show up. Not only are you going to catch an incredible set, but you get bragging rights.
Ultra screws all plans when they release their phase two…
No… it can’t be real??? All of those dj’s in one place… a trapped stage? There’s every single headliner in the world playing at this festival, I NEED to go both weekends. You try and calm down… except you can’t because it’s Ultra.
The haters say, blah blah blah Ultra is so mainstream now and filled with guido bros. Well stay the f*ck home because the guido bros are raging and aren’t being snobby trying to put down my good time.
You’re buying your tickets when all of a sudden… SERVICE FEES!!!
Yeah… you’re mad but that’s not going to stop you from buying a ticket. You will give the computer a stare of death and if you’re a real asshole you’ll go on the festival facebook page and whine about it.
The truth is that even those annoying service fees are not going to stop you from three days of madness. Don’t be the person who forgets to buy their tickets, everyone has theirs and you have to spend way more on stubhub. Service fees are a necessary evil like speed bumps on a college campus.
You make the mistake of looking at your checking account…
You’re buying tickets, after-party tickets (because the festival isn’t enough), festival supplies, a new camelback and of course outfits. You’ve gotta be fresh and have an awesome outfit every single day… that shit is 100% mandatory. Festivals are a time to be outrageous and fabulous where people don’t judge you.
When one of your friends volunteers to drive.
Your friend hasn’t ever been to a festival before and because they’re so excited they volunteer. Rookie mistake. On the way to the festival you’re probably carrying enough to spend your next semester locked in Guantanamo. Navigating is a lot easier than driving, just avoid sitting in the back seat because it’s never comfortable.
Coming back you’re going to reek of booze, fast food and sexual tension. The vehicle you took down there will come back as a frat house on wheels. Plus you can sleep the whole time and not, you know drive.
To speed up time, you pretend that you’re already there.
When you’re finally prepared with your hotel booked, outfits planned, party in check… it’s like the universe or time slows down. You keep looking at your calendar and Spring Break or your paid time off (working sucks by the way), keeps getting further and further away.
I like to use my imagination and just pretend that I’m already getting sweaty in the tent dancing. It’s actually easier than you think.
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