Victor Niglio, who is pegged as one of WhiteRaverRafting’s artist to watch in 2014, took to Facebook earlier today and predicted what will happen #afterEDMdies. His thoughts are hilarious and include some of the biggest DJ/producers in the world. His ideas match up with each artist extremely well – who knew Niglio was a part-time comedian.
“#afterEDMdies What happens in 15-20 years after EDM dies? Here’s what I think:
avicii starts a country band
skrillex opens a barber shop that struggles financially. they only offer “the skrillex” cut
borgore dies from an STD
deadmau5 invests all his money into tim horton’s & is left penniless after the stock falls
benny benassi goes to hollywood to be robert downey jr’s stunt double
steve aoki rejoins the board of directors at benihana
david guetta joins an aerospace firm and is lauded for his work with titanium
zedd starts a sunglasses line named “clarity” with the slogan “Protect all ‘spectrums’ of light”
afrojack begins work at cadillac. creates an autonomous car that will “take over control”
tiesto ascends into heaven
armin van buuren partners with trojan to make “intense” line of condoms
calvin harris reported for harassment, stalks women & tells them he “feels so close”
NERVO become outback tour guides, one is later kicked to death by a kangaroo
hardwell starts a lingerie line named “revealed”
carnage starts a rap career as “yung chipotle”
dimitri vegas & like mike go on to join the WWE as a brother duo
knife party start a gang. they’re later treated for gunshot wounds after bringing knives to a gunfight
swedish house mafia go on 6 comeback tours & 6 subsequent farewell tours. they are never heard from again
DESTRUCTO becomes CEO of livenation
kaskade becomes an expert on atmospheric science. he later ends global warming
laidback luke opens a smoke shop in california called “laidback luke’s”
dada life studied chimps & banana eating habits. they were taken into custody for giving the chimps champagne
martin garrix graduates high school
porter robinson starts a shoegaze project with mat zo that only releases music on rhapsody
tommy trash becomes a garbage man
TJR becomes the best golfer on the PGA. later loses his sponsors due to drinking “funky vodka”
adventure club start a cologne company with lines such as “wonder”, “crave you”, & “gold”
diplo dies from a heart attack while in bed with 7 women he met on instagram. he is survived by 38 children.
dillon francis finds a fruitful career as a standup comedian
carl cox begins a career in porno using the same stage name
daft punk turn into skynet. their album “human after all” is proven a lie
flosstradamus become dental hygienists
baauer & RL Grime are arrested for selling “infinite daps”
showtek joins a war reenactment club so they can keep talking about cannonballs
krewella starts a surf brand called “get wet”. rain man is killed in a severe flood
borgeous is killed by a stampede while on vacation in south africa.
dvbbs become professors at NYU teaching “raveology”
flume is paralyzed due to standing up and screaming “FLUUUUME” while riding a log flume
dash berlin organizes a german race for charity
maarten vorwerk is sentenced to a mental hospital after spinnin records shuts down. he can be heard frantically screaming the drop of “epic” at night
torro torro begin careers as bullfighters & later marry flamenco dancers
12th planet disappears. rumors say he returned to his homeworld
dave nada of NADASTROM goes back to DJing high school parties.
kill the noise opens a plastic surgery office specializing in rhinoplasty named “kill that nose!”
nicky romero tries out for the role of V in the sequel of v for vendetta. he doesn’t get the part.
above & beyond become psychiatrists, specialize in group therapy
W&W become hackers and are later arrested for breaking the code
zeds dead arrested for the attempted murder of zedd
3lau moves to idaho to mashup potatoes
dj snake accepts a teaching position at hogwarts in the house of slytherin. he is well known for his defence against the dark arts spell “turn down for what”
fatboy slim opens a gym
the bloody beetroots were last seen constructing a time warp. they shouted “one, two” before jumping in
skream opens an ice cream parlor named “we all skream for ice cream”
excision becomes a surgeon
seven lions moved to vegas to start a new show with Siegfried & Roy
disclosure & sam smith open a hardware store that primarily sells door latches
GTA is sued by rockstar for copyright infringement
headhunterz becomes a mercenary
UZ becomes an international arms dealer on the black market
deorro arrested for illegally raising pandas as his own family
congorock moves to babylon
cedric gervais & lana del ray live happily ever after
alesso lost himself
hard rock sofa open a furniture store
and finally…
victor niglio becomes an explorer and travels the world, south to the north to the east to the west” – Victor Niglio (via Facebook)
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