It was obvious that Tiesto liked it, so he did what Beyonce recommended and put a ring on it. We are thrilled to announce today that Tiesto and Martin Garrix have finally decided to take the plunge and will be getting married this summer in Ibiza.
This announcement comes as a relief to fans frustrated with the “will they won’t they” vibes that the couple have been giving off since partnering up last year. Said a close friend, “I remember the first time they laid eyes on each other, it was love at first sight just like you see in the movies…they’ve been coy about it but we all knew.”
The wedding will be a lavish affair on the most famous party destination of the Mediterranean, Ibiza. Originally the couple was thinking of tying the knot in front of family and friends in the Mojave Desert, but the climate is notoriously windy during the summer and Tiesto was reportedly nervous about Sandstorms. Next they considered the Amazon rainforest, but were skeptical after reports of wild Animals mauling and eating people. (we would make more jokes about Garrix songs but we’re pretty sure he only has one)
Speaking of friends and family, the guest list was leaked and reliable sources are reporting that everyone who is anyone will be there. Garrix’ ghost producer was near the top of the list, along with friends like Calvin Harris, and a guy dressed up as a 7-UP can.
While on the topic of costumes, details about the attire for the event have also leaked. It was a no brainer for Tiesto who will be rocking his signature track suit, but Garrix has surprised fans, forsaking a trendy option and going with the more traditional Dutch garb. A picture of a fitting session leaked online last night and we have it below, doesn’t he look stunning!
Finally, through some careful bargaining we were able to get details about the proposal and an exclusive quote on Tiesto’s feelings. He reportedly proposed during a pre-recorded set this past weekend, getting down on one knee on top of the DJ table and saying,
Martin, this last year has been one of the happiest of my life. Please make me the happiest man in the world and we can just Run Them Red Lights until the end of our days.
About the marriage Tiesto said,
I’m so excited Martin accepted. He’s like a little brother to me, and a brother-wife is what everyone wants out of a marriage right…right?
We can tell that Martin and Tiesto have a deep, unbreakable love and we hope their marriage will last until the end of their days. Mazel Tov you crazy lovebirds!
(This article was written as a joke with the intention of getting the reader to blow air out of their nose or crack a smile. All quotes are false and any references to sponsors or companies were meant fully in jest)
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